Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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