"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
