So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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