How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
