Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
