I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
