I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
