my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
