apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
