Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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