My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
