when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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