I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
where are my eyebrows?
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