We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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