i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
