My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
