I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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