we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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