dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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