Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
