we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
