Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
