felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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