I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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