Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
