Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
