You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
