I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
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we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So vagazzling was a success
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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