Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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