we have officially lost it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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