Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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