I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
