ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
