Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
