then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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