Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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