I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
