I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
