I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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