i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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