I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
