i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
