nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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