I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
