Where is the hickey?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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