we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
