We're like a lot better than the average bears
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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