He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
