I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
