I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
