I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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