i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
