u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
