It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
