you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
