Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
