does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
