it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
