He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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