Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
