i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
